Perfection

 Can a person be perfect?

So first of all I broke my phone. I have had my IPhone 5S for 9 months and  I have broken ir for like 4-6 times. But I acted quickly and I got it back, better then ever today and I broke it yesterday.

But this post isn’t about my phone, it’s about perfection.

Can a person be perfect or feel that everything is perfect?

We often say when we someone very pretty and someone who seems happy that they are perfect and their life is perfect, but is it?

We don’t know their story and even if they look like they could literally be Miss Universe 2016 they could feel insecure about them selves and have a sixth toe or something else that is not perfect about them.

I don’t believe that everything could be perfect.

Maybe it’s because I’m very insecure about myself and have been in sticky situations and have had some rough periods in my life, I just don’t believe it.

I haven’t talked about this, but in the begging of 2015 I hit an iceberg in my life. I don’t want to get into details, let’s just say it was very bad. I got depressed and into selfharm. That lasted for 7 months and then I met a person who I still owe my life to. If that day the 15th of July I hadn’t met them this blog wouldn’t exist, because I would be dead.

July and August I was kind of happy, but definitely not perfect.

I stared seeing a doctor.

The whole therapist thing really wasn’t for me, but now I realize that my doctor actually did help me somewhat. She helped me realize somethings and it was good do talk to someone, because I didn’t tell anyone I was seeing a doctor after like two months of going there.

But my depression and everything including that wasn’t the problem. I was depressed because I lost my bestfriend. No, she didn’t die or something. One moment we just weren’t friends and I still get very sad when I think about it and because we had the same hobbies and clubs I still saw her and how she was having fun and living to the fullest. Everything hurt, literally.  In the meantime I had connected with my classmates more and actually came very good friends with them. Also people who I met at wakeboarding and the person who saved my life soonly became my best friend.

And then Christmas came around, because we were in the same club, and not just her, everyone who I used to be friends with because when she and I weren’t friends anymore, all of them just stoped talking to me. So we were at this Christmas party and every year I play the second santa because I LOVE giving and making presents and the hardest thing for me was giving them a present, it was a goodbye present.

I was so scared for the New Years eve. I knew that something would go to shit again, but New Years came with laughter and awesome goals what I will try to accomplish.

When the anniversary of my first cuts came I stared to think about my life. I’m a live, I’m not depressed, I have amazing friends and an even greater best friend. For once I felt that everything thing in my life was going right, it felt perfect.

NO!

Something was off and I knew it. Not a day goes by with out me missing my old friends. I even quite the club to stop the pain, but I see them at school and around town, there is nothing that could change that. They made me, I am who I am because of them.

And why I made this post today is because today I talked to my old bestfriend, we just walked and talked for a hour and a half. It felt normal and I literally thought my life is perfect. No, it still isn’t. I don’t get along with my classmates so much anymore.

There will always be something that will make perfect not perfect.

Always…

LOVE,

redhead111

 

 

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